I can't control my anger today.

http://azc.cc/2bhCz3m

THIS.CUNTRY.FUCKING.SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A year in the life...or something.

Long time, no hear from! Yep, sorry! Lots of (good) stuff in the works, now.

I probably won't be posting here much more; I'm hoping that I'll be able to put the TNBC specter to rest for good. My one-year "cancerversary" has come and gone as of June 15th, and (fingers and toes crossed, knock on wood, and the like) I'm still cancer-free and "dancing with NED" (i.e., "no evidence of disease").

In an attempt to hit the ground running and put last year's nightmare behind me, you can now find me at adarkadaptedi.tumblr.com. I hope to only return here for "boring" updates and positive milestones.

To those of you still fighting, I love you all and I wish you well. You're always in my thoughts!!!

Last year, cancer took my hair.

I'd never really been too vain about my hair for most of my life, mainly because I hated the texture (randomly "wurly" and near in texture to the Bride of Frankenstein's during rainstorms/on humid days) and never seemed to be able to keep a style without having to break out the fryin' flat iron on a near-daily basis. But then I started coloring it with body art-quality henna, which, over time, turned it a gorgeous shade of cherry cola, and actually tamed some of the frizz. I grew it out for nearly 5 years, and it was very long and very pretty. I was finally proud of my hair; I'd never gotten so many compliments on my hair before in my life!

But then cancer reared its ugly head last year, and threatened my pretty hair. Before cancer could take it completely, I cut all of my hair off and had it made into a hair "halo." Though I can't really wear it anymore (it requires a bald head in order to adhere properly) I can look at my lovely before-cancer hair any time I want! But it's just not the same...

Over the course of the last few months, my hair's returned. It's actually been growing like weeds. It's come in thicker than before; it's also far (far) curlier. Ah, well. Don't get me wrong–I'm absolutely grateful to have the hair that I do now, five months PFC. At this point, I'll take the kinky (hehe) over the Kojak look any day! I guess this is the "new normal," so I'm going to make the best/most of it.

Last year, cancer took my hair. THIS year, I'm taking my friggin' hair back any way I damn well please. Oh.Yeah.

Why yes, it is blue-green.
And yes, that's a cat. :D

Bang a gong!

Boy, did I ever...I felt slightly sorry for the older folks in the waiting room, hehehe. But only slightly. I had warned everyone in the vicinity to cover their ears, after all...

Cone-down

Day two of (what should be, barring any unforeseen circumstances) five days of "boosts." Is it really almost over?

By the time I'm done, I'll glow in the dark...

Happy Birthday to me! 48 big ones today, woo. Today was also zap #4 of a 6-week, daily series of radiation zaps at the local cancer center. I'm utterly exhausted. My skin's already getting pink and irritated, boob's getting puffy, and my underarm area's feeling tight again (several pt visits prior to rads had managed to resolve the intense pain, mobility issues, and axillary cording. Oh, well...). Fun stuff! I think it's about time for a nap.

A little souvenir of a terrible year...

...except this one's a good thing (tm?). Following my lumpectomy/axillary dissection surgery on 12/16/'15, my pathology report came back as pCR. In a nutshell, the heavy-duty neoadjuvant chemo did the trick, and there's no evidence of residual cancer in the areas where it'd reared its ugly head. Best.Xmas.Present.EVER. I'm still healing from the surgery, I'm dealing with some horribly-painful "cording," and I've got 6 weeks of daily rads to "look forward" to (HA!), but I'll take 'em. I'll never take the cocky stance that I've "beaten" cancer—but right now, I'm cancer-free. Here's to a happier, healthier year! Cancer-free in 2016, w0000000000000t!!!!

Surgery tomorrow...

Wish me luck!  :)

...and then there was one.

*LAST CHEMO WAS TODAY*-hopefully forever! W000000000000000000000T!!! 

So, it looks like we have a plan...

As of yesterday, I've completed eight of my 12 rounds of the Taxol/Carbo combo - the end is in sight! My DH and I have also now met with both the breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon, and have formed a (tentative) surgical/treatment plan.

Because of the physiologically/psychologically traumatic nature of mastectomy surgery and its aftermath, my breast surgeon is opting to pursue a conservative route, if at all possible. What this means is that, around 3-4 weeks after my final chemo, I'm going to have a lumpectomy ("partial mastectomy") of the malignancy(ies) in my left breast; numerous precancerous lesions in my right breast will be excised at the same time. I'll also have to have axillary dissection of my lymph nodes on the cancer side, which will put me at risk of developing lymphedema down the road, but it can't be helped. Meh. I'll be left with one drain after the procedure (*shudder*), but it's better than having to deal with four! After the drain's out, I'll need to start 3-4 weeks of daily radiation therapy. Fun stuff!

The breast surgeon's goal during lumpectomy is to obtain clear (i.e., non-cancerous) tumor margins on the first go-round. What sucks is that she won't have the pathology results for a few days. If it's discovered that the tumor margins still contain cancerous cells, I'll have to back under the knife for a second round. Theoretically, neo-adjuvant chemo should have killed everything by the time the surgeon goes in, but that's never guaranteed, unfortunately. Owing to the very aggressive nature of triple-negative breast cancer, I've been warned, in no uncertain terms, that if the cancer recurs, I'm looking at mastectomy (probably bilateral).

Both surgeons advised DH and me to really work on taking "baby steps" with all of this, and to hope/believe that the breast surgeon will be able to obtain clear tumor margins. We'd love to be able to welcome 2016 cancer-free!

6 down,

6 to go. I'm at the halfway mark of my Taxol/Carboplatin chemo series, which is slated for completion next month. Thus far, the T/C combo hasn't caused too many side effects, in comparison to the Adriamycin/Cytoxan dose-dense chemo. Unless, that is, you count relentless anemia-exacerbated fatigue, nail changes (I'm hoping they don't get worse), and the onset of peripheral neuropathy (I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which causes transient neuropathy as it is; the T/C's making it worse)...

I meet with my breast surgeon next week and my plastic surgeon the following week. My onco team's protocol insists that surgery take place no more than 3-4 weeks after my last chemo–which means that I may be spending the holidays in the hospital. *Sigh* Fun stuff.

It's the moooost wonderful tiiiime of the yeeeeeeeeear!

I'm trying to make the most of my fave time of the year, despite feeling like crap. Happy Halloween month, kiddies! Gorgeous weather today–I need to get outside! :D

I decided to be brave and do a thing.

Oh cancer up yours!!!







Here's a slightly classier version, with specs:





As a side note, I didn't realize that Poly Styrene died at 53 of BC. Cancer sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!